God has a plan for you...

My first blog to the world about our adventure with CHD. Carl and I had been trying for many years to have a baby. In the midst of our sadness and despair, I found out I was pregnant on January 7, 2008. I had my first ultrasound at the Heartland Fertility Clinic in Winnipeg on January 29, 2008 because I was impatient and very nervous about this pregnancy. I had waited so long to be pregnant and now that I was, I could not shake this feeling of nervousness, I was so afraid of miscarriage. Dr. K, had really good advice for me. He told me to allow myself to feel the feelings that are required at the moment. In other words, it was okay for me to allow myself to be happy and excited. If something was going to go wrong, feel sad at that time. On that very cold winter morning Carl and I ventured to Winnipeg to see our baby for the first time. And there was the baby on the black and white screen. I almost cried right there on the exam table. The baby’s heart was beating; I could see the pixel on the screen flashing back and forth. At that moment it became real to me that we would have a baby and become parents!

We waited to tell family and friends until the usual "safe" period. I was 14 weeks. Everyone was so happy and excited for us. I really enjoyed telling people that we would soon have a family of our own.

On April 28th I was scheduled for a routine ultrasound at Boundary Trails Health Centre. I was really excited to see my baby again. I was 20 weeks along and starting to show my pregnancy belly. I had a fleeting thought that morning in the shower that there might be something wrong with our baby, but I sent up a silent prayer to God to give me peace and I also thought that we had already had our battle with infertility how could something else go wrong. Besides, I had already been feeling the baby move since 15 weeks, all had to safe and sound. I continued to get ready for work and just as I was walking out the door, it was as if God stopped me right there, and spoke directly to me. All that He said was, "God has a plan."

A few hours later that day, the radiologist Dr. Mary Jacob, said three words that will never leave our lives. Our baby had a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. I was going to be sent to the Fetal Assessment Unit in Winnipeg and they would assess further.

I work as a billing clerk at the clinic where my family doctor works. So, Carl, and I in our daze and bewilderment rush back to see what she had to say. As we walked in the door, her nurse saw us coming down the hall and ushered us into an exam room immediately. There Dr. H, explained to us that I would be delivering our baby at the Women’s Hospital High Risk Delivery ward. The baby had a hernia on the left side, allowing the stomach up into the chest cavity; pushing the heart to the right side and preventing the lungs from developing. Dr. H had never had a patient with this defect before and could not really offer advice on survival rates. I just sat there with Carl, his arm around me and my world came crashing down.